Carmen Horne

New Lens, New Life

A Way to Fear-less When We are Fear-full

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I began this post on fear about two years ago. What in the whirl? How can something I wrote two years ago resonate with me still!?

I am able to just pick up and continue writing because it’s that relevant. So relevant…like the first thing I thought of was me sitting poolside at my sister-in-law’s house a few days ago and decidedly moving myself inside because there were bats (yep, you read that correctly) swooping and flying around the pool. I’m skeered of birds. I watched the Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds, when I was a little girl (The babysitter was OK with it. Why not?) and I want them to stay at a beautiful distance from me. You want to get me itchy, feed the birds while I’m sitting in my beach chair trying to relax.

I KNOW they are just as scared of me as I am of them. I KNOW I’m bigger than they are. I KNOW I don’t have love birds trapped in a cage in my house. But still… 

Maybe you need these words today, too. Maybe that’s why I had it in drafts and never published it. It was waiting for me to finish writing it today ’cause you know, timing is everything.

Have you ever just sat dumbstruck and flabbergasted over life? The hits just keep coming. You begin to wonder if there is a big red target on your heart and soul.

There is. Satan has us marked for destruction. If God would have allowed it, he would have ended our lives before we sucked in our first breath of air. Satan is a liar and thief.

Now that thought often gives me a shiver. I can get real worried about what’s next. Just being real here, the prince of darkness can dim my light sometimes by a mere whisper.

Those of us in ministry often feel our target is bigger. But wait, aren’t we all called to be a functioning part of the body of Christ? So there goes that excuse theory.

I’m hoping there are a few of you out there that are shaking your heads with an amen, even if it’s a nervous one.

There are tons (well, a lot) of Bible verses out there addressing being fear-full. Probably one of the most important ones is the reminder that’s it’s definitely not of God. Y’all, read 2 Timothy 1:7  in the Amplified Bible,

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].

One of the ways I’m learning to cope with fear (besides not allowing bats to play in my hair) is Scripture affirmations. I love this Bible verse and the personalized statement from scripture I wrote,

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you. All whose thoughts are fixed on you. Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

Isaiah 26:3 affirmation

Oh, and maybe another moral to this story is to not put things into your mind that you will probably never get out. I have several things like that and I’m praying God will pull that stuff up by the roots! 


When Mother’s Day Changes

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So, I’ve been in the middle of a whirlwind. My sweet little Momma was diagnosed with cancer just about a month ago and moved in with Jesus three weeks after her diagnosis. As you can imagine, this is a different kind of Mother’s Day for me. 

As I type, I still feel a bit breathless from it all. We moved her in to our home and she was here only two weeks before she moved out to live with Jesus. 

There are so many things to say. The right things to say. Like how we didn’t lose her, we know where she is. Like God has a perfect timing, His ways are higher, and we trust God’s perfect plan for her and all of us who love her. How we will see her again one day. That she left more memories than we can hardly recount because she lived life. She wasn’t a wall sitter. Mom lived and loved to the fullest. All that good, right, and encouraging stuff. 

But friends, I miss my Momma. I type with a lump in my throat as I sit at my desk in “her room” in our home. Her slippers on the floor and her death certificate on the desk. 

Momma did what mommas do best. She helped us navigate her last days much easier. She admitted herself to hospice, she made her funeral plans, and spent the rest of her time letting all of us know how much she loved us and how thankful she was for God’s grace and mercy. I kissed her forehead countless times and told her how much I loved her over and over. 

She shared her gratitude for a wonderful life. How she had done everything she really ever wanted to do. Talk of heaven and how wonderful it would be was ever-present on her lips. 

In her final days she shared how an angel was sleeping with her. She glowed when she talked about how much peace God brought her as her angel snuggled up with her. Y’all, God is so compassionate and kind. He loves us so. Although we could not see her Comforter, she felt Him. She knew He was there and that brought us all comfort. 

                   Iris Marie “Cookie” Daniel Walter July 25, 1941 – May 2, 2018

What will I do about today? I will enjoy every moment with my daughter. I will probably cry a little and try to remember that my Momma is with her Momma for the first time in many years on Mother’s Day. I will live life to its fullest because that’s what she did. Maybe we will tell a funny memory of her, like the time she danced on the table at Joe’s Crab Shack in Destin, FL on her birthday. Or when she asked me “Am I going to have to do homework?” if she attended a study I was leading. When I said there was a workbook she said, “I never did like homework. I like it even less now. I’ll just stay home and read my Bible and you catch me up on what Beth {Moore} says about it.”

We don’t grieve without hope. 

The Hope of the Resurrection
13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

15 We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. 17 Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. 18 So encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

I will see my sassy Momma again. 

You can read a letter she wrote to her younger self almost three years ago HERE As I re-read it I am amazed at her own gift for writing. I edited it very little when it came to content. Only when she repeated herself. You do that in eight pages! And, to read her replies to the comments. Those are just pure gold to my heart.