A Prayer for Your Broken Relationship with Your Mom
Do you remember when you said you wouldn’t parent like your parents? Yeah, me too.
Like that time I got a spankin’ for dustin’ myself with the flesh-colored face powder (after my bath), and Momma thought I had skipped getting in the water. Or when she would pinch my leg in church service because I was talking too much. Yikes.
Our girl has had a few near-traumatic events. Unless she mentions “slip” and “dress,” I never speak those words together in her presence; this is possibly one of my most humiliating moments as a mother. Well, except the time I nearly knocked her unconscious, putting her in the car seat, or when I missed the straight pins in the underarms of her little dress—each time I picked her up to find out why she was crying…yep.
Mommaing can be terrifying. We love this little thing so much and realize our mess-ups could possibly land us on a daytime talk show.
Like most families, my relationship with Mom went through a few stressful times. There were times when her actions confounded me, and with self-righteousness, I dispensed grace frugally. Writing these words stings my heart because we could have handled those circumstances so much better.
On May 2, 2018, my sassy momma went to live with Jesus. As I reminisce, my heart is easily filled with grace over her mistakes. You know, I hardly remember them. I mostly remember her unique, accepting, and loving personality. I am very thankful God gave me to her. She was my longest and dearest friend.
All relationships have difficult times. As I listen to women discuss their pain over broken connections, I am reminded of how important mommas are to their children.
Is your relationship with your mom complicated? If so, maybe a change of perspective would help. I’m not speaking of negating pain and hurt. I’m speaking of looking at them from a different lens.
These reminders don’t fit every momma, but they might help you see yours in a different light.
Here are a few reminders about our mommas:
♥ She did her best with the resources and information she had.
♥ She didn’t have a perfect momma either.
♥ She regrets her mistakes – even the small ones.
So many factors shape our response to events and circumstances in our lives. Our upbringing, personal choices, genetics, and spiritual environments form us. Just like you and I, our mommas were molded by their experiences. These factors don’t excuse bad and unhealthy behavior but can help us understand each other better. Here’s a bit of hard truth: We judge others by their actions. We judge ourselves by our intentions.
I discovered the benefits of this kind of change in perspective with my dad. I asked God to help me see his positive character traits instead of the running list of negative ones I had cultivated through the years. Over time, God answered those prayers. God answers all prayers that are His will. Living in peace is His will (Romans 12:18). Honoring our parents is His will (Exodus 20:12). Forgiving others is His will (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 4:32). Having an abundant, overflowing life is His will (John 10:10).
My hope is that we can surround our tender hearts with healthy boundaries and release old hurts to Jesus, the great Recycler of pain.
How do we release the pain of our past and receive the freedom available to us? Prayer is the best place to start.
Do you struggle with the words to begin? When we are out of words, a gentle invitation to pray with someone else is comforting and powerful. (Matthew 18:19)
A prayer invitation for those who have broken relationships with their parents:
Abba Father, My home life was difficult and far from a “Leave it to Beaver” image. I ask You to be mother and father to me. Hide me under Your wings. Replace hurtful proclamations broken people make with Your words of life and hope. Heal my painful memories. Guide me into forgiveness. Reveal the good when all I see is bad. Fill my heart with compassion. Orchestrate divine opportunities for me to use my pain to help others.
Open my eyes to the deception of Satan, the true author of lies and heartbreak. He is the enemy of my soul. I invite You, Lord, into the messiness of my life. I release all bitterness, resentment, anger, and pride and lay it at Your feet. Hang on tight to it, Lord, when I want to pick it back up. Forgive my sins and help me be better instead of bitter.
I ask You to break every stronghold and generational sin in my family. I believe and declare our family belongs to You, Lord.
I’m a new creation. I am putting away the old and embracing the new. O Holy Spirit, empower me to rise above my circumstances and live abundantly. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I am free! My future is filled with hope. I ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, amen!
Photo by Briana Tozour on Unsplash
Grace and peace to you, friend,
I really said some things I shouldn’t have said to my mother I’m so jealous of detention she gives to people who don’t deserve it but none to me and I said some things that I shouldn’t have said and I feel bad about it
Gina, daughter-mother relationships can be hard, can’t they? I’ve had a couple of those kinds of conversations with my mom, too.
One of the wonderful things about God’s mercy and grace is that they are available to us every day. He is there to help you work through those feelings. Sometimes, God uses a compassionate Christian counselor to help us. Asking God to forgive you and to empower you to work through your hurt is a great first step.
I would also suggest you have a heartfelt conversation with your mom about your feelings. Hopefully, she will better understand how y’all got to where you were and why those harsh words were said.
No matter the results of that conversation, asking your mom to forgive you and then forgiving your mom will open the door to your freedom. Shame is not of God. The Holy Spirit convicts us and then helps us to right our wrongs.
I’ve prayed for you and your mom. May your relationship grow deeper as you work together for healing.
Prayers for you, Carmen
She’s an overbearing perfectionist adopted mother, who regretted adopting my adopted sister and myself. She emulates “Mother dearest” Now l know l am horrible as l have done wrong many times in my life. I don’t have confidence at all. Unfortunately l am currently staying at her house which l help out TREMENDOUSLY but she could care less as l am useless, couldn’t keep a marriage, jobless, and countless of other horrifying mistakes. I’m not white, she is, didn’t go to an IV league school am dumbso please pray for BRENDA KING POWERS and for to change her ways . The only person who l ean on is my bf ,who the “family” doesn’t like
Ana Cristina, I’m so sorry you are navigating such troubling waters with your adopted mom. I pray the words of the prayer comforted you. Jesus is always there with us. I pray that by continuing to read your Bible and letting who you are in Christ soak in, your heart will heal.
Thoughts and prayers your way, Carmen
Wow I am so sorry you suffered from broken parents as a child. As you know my parents were broken in their own way. when I was growing up. I prayed as you did for a “Leave it to Beaver” family. I wanted protection, and love from my Mom but never received it. I did have protection from the Holy Spirit and an aunt that loved me so much. I looked around and wanted more out of my life and knew I was going to have to set my own boundaries and rules. We were both raised to know right from wrong and we took the path to do right. We didn’t have it easy but we did have love in our life and when we looked around someone always had it worse. So we got up when we fell down and continued on and never gave up.
I am so proud of you Carmen. You are doing what I always wanted to do and proving you learned enough along the way to help other lonely and scared people.
I was scared a lot. Not so much of people but of life. I didn’t have a relationship with my Mom during her life even when we lived in the same house. It was the way she was brought up and she learned from her Mom who was a good woman but didn’t show love either.
Your Mom did ! She was like a sister to me. She went through trials in her life and she didn’t always pass but she loved you and the boys. She was Mom and Dad most of the time!
My Mom came to mind today before I read this. She was not an easy woman to understand. She lived a life that she was taught. I lived a life of a lonely little girl. I have spent most of my life fighting to NOT be like her. She was NOT a bad person she just didn’t show love in ways I needed.
I have made mistakes and I have had many blessings in my life due to my relationship with Jesus and the Holy Sprit. God has ways of helping us see the light and going down the path we should take. Then maybe in some way I can be that example I never had and help someone else hear the Holy Spirit when he speaks.
We all have regrets in raising our kids. I would change a lot of mistakes I made. I have always been determined to show and give love. I hope someone sees and feels it!! I hope they forgive me where I failed them.
Oh, Auntie, you are so dear to me. I always feel your love and support. You have survived so much and rose above it all to encourage others in so many ways. Your willingness to care for others is an inspiration. You are selfless and require nothing in return. Love you big time!
Wow
Maureen, thank you for stopping by for a visit, friend.
Blessings, Carmen
Thank you so much for this.
I just had a terrible blow-up with my mother whom I adore. But she has been far less than honest with my siblings and I all our lives. We found that my youngest brother isn’t my father’s child a bit over a year ago. (He’s 53, I’m 62, and my sister 58). My mother is 79 years young. She still has a lot of life, but doesn’t live in truth. It’s hard reaching her, and things came to a head and I lost it. I’m so hurt that I hurt my mother. But I want her to be honest and whole. She is a minister who knows that we are to worship God in spirit and in truth. But I don’t see truth. It’s passed over for protection.
I don’t know why I’m just spilling this out to a complete stranger, but again, I thank you for giving me perspective.
God bless and keep you…
Kipper, my heart is tender towards you today. I read your comment with such empathy. My mom and I had a few harsh conversations through the years. I couldn’t understand her thoughts on some decisions that affected her children.
The Holy Spirit is such a Comforter. He directed you to my story and, more importantly, the prayer He gave me to share with my readers. May the Holy Spirit bring it to your mind as you process your shock, pain, and grief. I know this must be so painful for your momma, too. She is facing the fact that she has disappointed her children. Gosh, that’s hard.
It is grief that brings a lot of our hurt, I think. We grieve the loss of innocence that we had before we knew, right?
Blessings, friend. Lord, heal this broken place in Kipper’s family. Help her momma feel Your love and forgiveness and her children’s love and forgiveness.
P.S. I’m thankful you poured out your heart to this complete stranger.
Carmen
Thank you. I needed to find this prayer during a giant struggle in my life right now.
Nancy, I’m so thankful that you stopped by and were encouraged. Relationship struggles are very real.
Blessings your way!
Great piece Carmen! This truth of judging people by their actions and ourselves by our intentions…oh Lord, all the time! Thank you for this nudge towards grace-filled hearts & minds.
Thank you, Brandy! I’m tickled you stopped by for a visit. We all need a good old grace nudge from time to time.