Gary Smalley, author, co-founder and chairman of the board of Smalley Relationship Center says this in his book, DNA of Relationships, “Sometimes, by insisting on our own way, we kill our most cherished relationships.”
Its the old, “my way or the highway” kind of mentality. In truth, often the highway that is taken seems to be hearts that leave long before bodies actually walk out a door. Slow death. So slow that frequently the one leaving and the one being left don’t realize how faint the image of their marriage is becoming. This mentality can certainly pertain to all of our close relationships – our children, our family and our friends.
Dr. Smalley offers a great concept that will put us all in the winner’s bracket. “Remember, you’re apart of a team. Therefore you have to redefine winning as finding and implementing a solution that both people can feel good about. A winning solution goes beyond a plan of attack that seems merely acceptable or tolerable to you both. That’s compromise, and compromises rarely make anyone feel good.” He goes on to say, “In a relationship there is no such thing as a win-lose solution. There is either a win-win or a lose-lose. No other option exist.”
It takes the death of pride to accept our way might not be the best way or the only way.
Let me leave you with one step of his seven to establish a no-losers policy. It’s actually the first step and certainly the most important because, when we get this step right, our hearts and minds are in the place to listen and work together on the solution.
Establish A No-Losers Policy: A no-losers policy is like a fire extinguisher that puts out a dangerous flare-up. It says to to each person, ‘You don’t need to feel threathened because we won’t go forward until both of us feel good about it….The worry simply dissipates”
“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” Proverbs 14:12 NLT