Monday night I had a dream. I was at church wearing a very short dress and boots — by the way, I looked pretty good in that short dress. It was a dream, and if you’re gonna dream, make it a sweet dream. The horrifying realization came, my dress is tucked in my panties on one side. I frantically rushed to the ladies room and was horrified because well, one, my very short dress (short like long shirt length. I forgot my pants.) was tucked in my panties and two, I couldn’t call for help. Ladies kept coming in, but I didn’t have my cell phone to call Lary, and I knew he wouldn’t have his in church anyway. I pulled and tugged but never could get that dress to the length it needed to be so I could leave the ladies room.
Lary and I often discuss silly dreams and ask each other, “What do you think that means?” I did ask him, but I knew what it meant.
Have you ever been called to do something that you felt unprepared for – entirely unqualified to fulfill the task? That’s where I am right now. I could recount Moses’ story or Esther’s life and death situation. Perhaps talk about how God equips those He sends. Because He certainly does. But, that’s not where I am today. I don’t feel equipped. Do you?
Do you feel up to the task of raising your kids or taking care of your aging parent with Alzheimer’s? When your marriage ended, did you feel ready to face the world single? How about the day you walked into your new job and realized you knew nothing and the one to teach you was twenty-five years younger. Were you full of confidence that day? Let’s don’t even talk about how we feel when we wake after about two weeks of marriage and think, uh, there’s more to this than I thought.
Do you know the feeling that if God doesn’t go with you, you ain’t going? We want to run, quit, stop. Have you ever wanted to remind God that He thinks we are stronger, wiser, more talented, and more gifted than we surely are? I often think He has way too much faith in us to do this thing.
So what now? I wish I had the answer that would make us all feel brave and strong and confident. You might find someone with better answers but, it’s not this girl. Brutal honesty works best here. We are in this boat together.
Are you willing to just keep getting up in the morning and doing life? Everyday life. Living and loving and crying and pushing ourselves to be who God knows we can be? You want to move forward with me scared, unsure, desperately needing what only God can give?
The only answer I have – the only explanation I give myself – is to keep falling on our faces before God and say as Moses did:
“…If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.” (Exodus 33:15, NLT)
Kari Jobe says it beautifully in her song “You Are For Me, “Lord, I know that you are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses. And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart to remind me who you are…”
We are right where God wants us to be. Utterly, hopelessly undone without Him. Now, He alone will get the glory for our victories.
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