“Don’t pick a fight without a reason…” Proverbs 3:30 NLT
Are you sometimes itching for a fight? When I feel that urge, it usually comes after I have denied my feelings. Then those feelings build up. Do you recognize these words? “Are you mad? ‘No.” Am I mad? Probably, or at least aggravated.
Another reason our fuse is short could be we’re not feeling well. My sister-in-law Phyllis gave me a good piece of advice that can be used when making decisions or handling conflicts. HALT – am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If the answer is yes to any of those, then we need to stop and wait.
If we continually fight and argue over small issues, there is probably a bigger issue at the foundation. Rarely will the main problem be taking out the garbage or leaving the gas tank empty. Are there control, security or trust issues that are unresolved?
- Do you feel we often argue over small issues?
- Is our marriage a safe place to discuss different opinions?
- What is one way we can talk over issues and concerns without the discussion escalating into a fight?
Handling conflict can increase intimacy. Avoiding healthy conflict by picking fights over small issues and ignoring how we truly feel, creates distance.