“He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen…”
Honoring a Parent that’s Not Always Honorable
So, you know how you are going about life and Holy Spirit sends a word (one you are not expecting) and your heart feels that tug of conviction? Pastor Robert Morris was teaching on the Ten Commandments and he landed on number five, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” He didn’t get very far into his message when I realized that I didn’t need to listen to Pastor Morris, Holy Spirit wanted to do some preaching to my heart.
How in the sam hill (southern saying for something that seems impossible) do you honor a parent that does not always act honorable? Let me put my self-righteous hat on (you know, that one that fits so well) because I tend to have a smidgen of pride in this area. My dear ole Dad (as he called himself) was less than honorable in several ways. Our difficult history together runs painfully deep and wide at different points in our relationship. Yet, I became his care giver and his medical advocate for many years before his death. I don’t think anyone would have fought harder for his life than I did.
Putting aside our difficulties, I tried my best to make sure he had the best of care. Even with him working against me some of the way, we trudged on. So, why would I be convicted?
Honoring our parents has so many facets. Gosh, so many.
The facet I am talking with you about today is speaking well of them – while they are alive and after they have left this world. I have been guilty of retelling some of the ugly part of his story to folks when there was no good reason. Ugh, this makes my heart ache. Is that honor?
I’m not talking about deception. There are some behaviors that my Dad exhibited that I cannot speak well of. So, there you go. Wasn’t it Thumper who said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”?
What to do? The Bible has a lot to say about our speech. Here are a few that stung my heart and made me look at them in the light of honor:
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9 ESV
You will say the wrong thing if you talk too much—so be sensible and watch what you say. Proverbs 10:19 CEV
My dear friends, with our tongues we speak both praises and curses. We praise our Lord and Father, and we curse people who were created to be like God, and this isn’t right. James 3:9 CEV
When I’m gone from this world, I don’t want included in my every mention something I did wrong. You know how when the media mentions a celebrity and classifies them by their biggest scandal? Geez, can we stop that?
Forgiveness of our less than honorable parents includes the willingness to give up telling the world their imperfections and wrong doings when it really has no positive value. It only stirs up our hearts to anger and disappointment all over again. We don’t need that. If we need a counselor to talk with and tell the ugly to, then let’s get one. Let’s get it told and work through the pain and then, for our own emotional, spiritual, and physical health, speak life. Let’s live life and grab hold of that promise from the Ten Commandments, “… that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”
Lord, help us see the positive traits of our Mom and/or Dad. Our pain has hidden the good. We only see the bad. Open our eyes that we may see them as You do. When our relationships are able to be restored, please restore. When no healthy relationship is possible, please help us to place boundaries were needed but also help us understand how to honor them and bring You glory. In the name of our Peace Giver, Jesus, we ask these things. Amen
Linking with Holley Gerth