Carmen Horne

Pursuing Hope Together

Learning What’s Real

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So, it’s been a little minute since we’ve talked. I’ve been doing what you do when your Momma moves in with Jesus. I’ve been sad, then glad, then tickled with a memory, then hit with the shock of it all over again. Me and my little Sis have been deep in a gazillion pictures and mementos. We have breathed deep in her scent still on her clothes and shook our head over enough costume jewelry to open a little shop. The wonder of her still overwhelms me. She was always so much cooler than me. 

Mom did not have worldly wealth. Sometimes we get so caught up in that, don’t we? Lary and I plan and save. Buy insurance and think of investments. We want to leave something to our daughter and the family she will have one day. 

Momma left so much more than all those things we worry about. Her funeral visitation was so crowded that someone came in and asked the funeral home staff if there was a celebrity there.

All of this has made me think about what I really need to focus on as an inheritance for my family.

Here’s a few things we can learn from a lady whose treasures were of the heart:

Love and be loved. I have often laughed and said, If you get in our family, you never get to leave. It didn’t matter if divorce was a part of the picture, she still considered you a part of our family. She didn’t need to agree with you, your lifestyle, or your choices. She loved and let God do the sorting out. 

Be a forward thinker. She didn’t live in her past mistakes. She often said of her bad choices when she was younger, “That’s covered by the blood.” When she was knocked down, she got back up. Sometimes she even had to start over. Can’t we do that? Can’t we just stop worrying over where we messed up and get on with living? As my dear friend Linda would say, “Going forward let’s…” Quoting Mom, “Let’s do something even if it’s wrong! If it’s wrong, we can fix it later.” She was never one to shy away from trying something new. 

Laugh…alot. She laughed with her whole body. Sometimes at herself. We will not always be happy. We can live with joy. 

 The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7 NLT

Believe God. I’m not talking about believing in God. I’m talking about believing Him. Her last days were peaceful. She knew what lay before her was so much more than she could comprehend. She was excited to meet Jesus face to face.

Trust is all tied up in belief. Gosh, I can struggle with this. I so want to trust God completely. I tell Him I trust Him all the time.  I’m really reminding myself. I’m so glad for God’s patience. He’s brought me a long way. He’s still working on me.

What are some treasures of the heart you have inherited? Let’s hang on to them. We need to pass those down to the generations after us. Someday someone will be remembering our words and actions. 

When Mother’s Day Changes

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So, I’ve been in the middle of a whirlwind. My sweet little Momma was diagnosed with cancer just about a month ago and moved in with Jesus three weeks after her diagnosis. As you can imagine, this is a different kind of Mother’s Day for me. 

As I type, I still feel a bit breathless from it all. We moved her in to our home and she was here only two weeks before she moved out to live with Jesus. 

There are so many things to say. The right things to say. Like how we didn’t lose her, we know where she is. Like God has a perfect timing, His ways are higher, and we trust God’s perfect plan for her and all of us who love her. How we will see her again one day. That she left more memories than we can hardly recount because she lived life. She wasn’t a wall sitter. Mom lived and loved to the fullest. All that good, right, and encouraging stuff. 

But friends, I miss my Momma. I type with a lump in my throat as I sit at my desk in “her room” in our home. Her slippers on the floor and her death certificate on the desk. 

Momma did what mommas do best. She helped us navigate her last days much easier. She admitted herself to hospice, she made her funeral plans, and spent the rest of her time letting all of us know how much she loved us and how thankful she was for God’s grace and mercy. I kissed her forehead countless times and told her how much I loved her over and over. 

She shared her gratitude for a wonderful life. How she had done everything she really ever wanted to do. Talk of heaven and how wonderful it would be was ever-present on her lips. 

In her final days she shared how an angel was sleeping with her. She glowed when she talked about how much peace God brought her as her angel snuggled up with her. Y’all, God is so compassionate and kind. He loves us so. Although we could not see her Comforter, she felt Him. She knew He was there and that brought us all comfort. 

                   Iris Marie “Cookie” Daniel Walter July 25, 1941 – May 2, 2018

What will I do about today? I will enjoy every moment with my daughter. I will probably cry a little and try to remember that my Momma is with her Momma for the first time in many years on Mother’s Day. I will live life to its fullest because that’s what she did. Maybe we will tell a funny memory of her, like the time she danced on the table at Joe’s Crab Shack in Destin, FL on her birthday. Or when she asked me “Am I going to have to do homework?” if she attended a study I was leading. When I said there was a workbook she said, “I never did like homework. I like it even less now. I’ll just stay home and read my Bible and you catch me up on what Beth {Moore} says about it.”

We don’t grieve without hope. 

The Hope of the Resurrection
13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

15 We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. 17 Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. 18 So encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

I will see my sassy Momma again. 

You can read a letter she wrote to her younger self almost three years ago HERE As I re-read it I am amazed at her own gift for writing. I edited it very little when it came to content. Only when she repeated herself. You do that in eight pages! And, to read her replies to the comments. Those are just pure gold to my heart.