Because Genuine Relationships Spotlight She more than Me

“It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.” Philippians 4:14 (MSG)

I looked in her eyes and I saw pain. Not for herself but for me. My dear friend shared in my troubles as I have shared in hers over the years.

Girlfriends are a necessity, don’t you think? I’m not talking about friends that happen to be girls. I’m talking about Lucy and Ethel, Laverne and Shirley, Monica, Phoebe and Rachel…

They share in our troubles, they laugh with us, cry with us, get mad with us and hold our hand quietly as we mourn. As I stood beside my dad’s casket, Carol sat quietly behind me. She handed me tissues and Altoids without me asking. She just knew.

In this world of #selfies and the emphasis on “me” that Facebook brings, we must be intentional with those around us. It really is more important to know what’s on our friends minds instead of voicing what’s on ours. Social media is fun and a great way to share what God’s doing in our lives. If we are not careful though, we confuse our 700 cyber friends with relationship. Did you know there is a “virtual boyfriend” app?, “For $24.99 a month you can immediately feel the effects of a rewarding virtual partner.” Rewarding effects?

When we need comfort, our phone, computer or virtual friend will feel a bit hollow. Each Sunday night at our church we are invited to come forward for an intimate time of prayer – women to the left and men to the right. We hold hands, hug necks, share tears and send prayers up for each other. Sunday night as many of us stood with tears streaming, we experienced in action what Paul spoke of in Philippians. The beauty of friendship happens when we change our focus from me to she.

Because genuine relationships spotlight she more than me

Rick Warren probably said it best on the first page – first line of his book, The Purpose Driven Life, “It’s not about you”. What? Being selfless doesn’t come naturally for most of us. When Christ tells us in the book of Matthew to deny ourselves and that to save our lives we must lose them, it is not a pleasing thought. I’m not always thrilled when I must do what’s best for our family versus what feels right at the moment. Or what’s best for ministry or my church or my friend or…for God.

Quoting Suzie Eller, Proverbs 31 Ministries, “#Denyingmyselfie is putting the me factor aside long enough to find the God factor instead.” I agree Suzie. Looking for the God factor shakes us out of the stupor of self absorption where we are most comfortable.

When we are then fully awake, we can truly see that it’s really not about us, it’s about Him. Placing life in that order means that when I think I have lost, I have really gained.

Love sharing with these communities of writers…

Suzie Eller #livefree Thursday, Holly Barrett – Testimony Tuesday, Kelly Balarie – Purposeful Faith, Anita Ojeda – Inspire Me Monday, Jennifer Dukes Lee – #TellHisStory

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30 Comments

  1. Loving this –> “Looking for the God factor shakes us out of the stupor of self absorption where we are most comfortable.” He so easily shapes our focus into something more pin-point, yet broader. Right regardless. He’s been faithful to shake me out of my stupor every.single.time. Praise You, God!

    And, there’s an app for virtual boyfriends?! Wow…..

    Beautiful read, my friend. :-)

  2. Beautiful! The value of close face to face friendships is huge. We were created for relationships, and I love how you point to the fact that it’s not about my friend makes me feel. It’s just not about me. That’s true for every great relationship. Oh, if we could only remember and apply. Blessings!

  3. “It really is more important to know what’s on our friends minds instead of voicing what’s on ours.” Yes. You nailed this. We all just want to be heard. Cheering on your words Carmen. You are loving souls effectively.

  4. You are so right, Carmen. It is more rewarding to focus on others and practice the humility we see in Jesus, and I don’t know what I’d do without those special friendships I’ve made over the years. The Purpose Driven Life led me to Christ, so that book will always hold a special place in my heart. That first chapter wrecked me in the best way. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here.

  5. Another beautifully written article Carmen. The human ego in each of us is “me”; the spirit in each of us, the “we”. It is one of the easiest ways to contrast and better know when I am being spritually driven (i.e. following the path God has laid before me), vs wallowing in the (LOVE this!) . . “stupor of self absorption” and wondering when things are going to work out the way I thnk they ought to! Keep on reminding me girl! Hugs!

  6. Carmen – what wonderful words! You have such a heart for Jesus and it shines through every post. I am finally blessed with a wonderful girl friend who can support me and share those tough moments. As she is staying with me and my husband as her husband is in hospital, I am learning what it means to take my eyes of my help and support my friend. God is so good. Thank you for sharing as always! God bless!

  7. Thank you Carmen, for such a lovely post. I am so thankful for my “Ethel” (or is she Lucy, and I’m Ethel?) We have been close friends through thick and thin for 10 years. I have two other friends who live on the other side of the world, but I’ve known them 30 years!

    I’m so thankful, but this is such a good reminder not to focus on myself and make our friendship about my needs getting met. This helps me to give my friends the benefit of the doubt when they can’t come through for me quite as I’d like.

  8. I was thinking how hollow electronics seem when compared to real relationships, and in the next line that is what you wrote. Needless to say, I’m saying “Amen Carmen!” from my small town in Nebraska! Technology has changed so rapidly in the last ten years, and I think we are still figuring out how to use it for the glory of God and not the destruction of relationships. These reminders you give us to nourish our Lucy and Ethel friendships (love that comparison by the way) are so necessary. God bless you, friend! As always, so grateful for your words.

  9. Well said. Times they have changed. We have become more self-absorbed than ever. Too focused on our little worlds and not enough on others or on what God has called us to do.

  10. “The stupor of self-absorption, where we are most comfortable…” Ouch! And yet, I needed to read these words today! It’s time to get out of THAT comfort zone and live fully awake in Him! Beautiful post, thanks Carmen!

  11. Great reminder to focus on others instead of ourselves. Wow, this really spoke to me. Thank you so much for the reminder to be asking our friends how they are doing.

  12. Amen! I’ve never had the privilege of living geographically close to girlfriends such as you describe, but I know that the small group of gals that I’m closets to are always there for me–to pray with me, to celebrate with me and to help bear my burdens by coming alongside. I love the reminder that ‘she’ should be our focus, and not ‘me.’